


Just A Boy

by MaggieMaybe160



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Broken Bones, Coming Out, Domestic Violence, Heavy Angst, Homophobia, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Love Confessions, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Physical Abuse, Teen Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 08:44:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17557112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaggieMaybe160/pseuds/MaggieMaybe160
Summary: Dean has a hard time coming out to Cas because of what happened when he came out to his father.





	Just A Boy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jemariel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jemariel/gifts).



_“Just be a normal dad,” a thirteen year old Dean said jokingly as John drove him to school. It was the first time in a week that John had been here to drive Dean and Sam to school. Sam was already at elementary. Now it was just the two of them._

_“A_ normal _dad,” John laughed. “Ouch.”_

_“You know what I mean.”_

_“Sure. You want me to tease you and embarrass you like normal dads do,” John laughed. It was the first time in a long time that he had laughed so easily. It was contagious. Dean laughed too. “Do you_ like _anyone?” John grinned._

_He was rewarded with his son turning a fantastic shade of crimson. He glanced between Dean and the road._

_“Well,” Dean said after an excruciatingly long moment of his face burning brighter and brighter, “there’s just this boy…”_

_The car fell silent. It had never been this silent. Dean swallowed, his smile gone. The blush remained but it was draining as he stared at his dad’s now pale face. There was no more laughter. There was no grin or glance. John didn’t look at him._

_“We’ll talk about this tonight,” John promised without looking at Dean. They were in front of the school and Dean couldn’t get out of the car fast enough._

_It was eight short hours later that Dean was climbing back into the car. Sam was in the backseat detailing the project they were working on. It was about the solar system. John was still icy silent._

_“That’s cool, buddy,” Dean said, encouraging his brother despite the fear that was clamping down on his gut._

_The family of three filed out of their car, all of the doors closing at once. Sam and Dean followed their father to their motel room like ducklings. Dean dropped his bag next to his bed and Sam sat down at the desk, pulling out his homework worksheets._

_“Do you have anything to say to me?” John asked, closing the door. Dean looked from Sam’s swinging legs to his father’s stone cold face._

_“No, sir,” Dean said, standing straighter to impress his marine father._

_John wiped a hand over his mouth, steeling himself for the conversation. “Do you have a crush on anyone?” He had rephrased the question but Dean missed the nuance- the chance to save himself._

_“He’s just a boy at school.”_

_“Sam, get out,” John ordered. Sam’s feet stopped swinging. He looked over his shoulder at his father._

_“I’m doing homework, dad.”_

_“I said get out!” John yelled. Sam jumped and grabbed his things. He ran outside and John closed the door again._

_“I mean… I don’t like anyone. Not a soul, sir. I’m sorry, sir.” Dean rushed, feeling the impending beating. He didn’t understand what was wrong with his answer._

 

_* * * * *_

 

“Dean?” Cas was sitting in front of him. Dean blinked a few times, shaking the memory. He stared into the blue eyes that searched for him.

“Yeah?”

“What were you going to tell me?”

Dean swallowed hard. He had been about to confess to Cas how he felt. He was going to tell him that he was in love with the angel who had rescued him and stayed by his side. He clenched his jaw.

 

* * * * *

 

_“Dean!” Will called. Dean kept walking. He stopped at his locker and winced as he moved his backpack so he could change out his books._

_“Dean!” Will tried again. When he was close enough he stopped. Dean’s left eye was swollen shut and heavily bruised. His arm was in a cast and sling under his coat._

_“Don’t talk to me, Will,” Dean warned. His voice was scratchy and his throat was bruised._

_“Dean,” Will whispered, worry seeping into his voice. Dean dropped his backpack and slammed his good fist into Will’s nose. The other boy covered his bleeding and probably broken nose with his hands and looked up at Dean, the green eyes shining with tears. Dean punched him again and again._

_“I’ll be gone soon, and this… this will be over. Like you never even met me,” Dean rasped._

 

* * * * *

 

“I…” Dean pressed his lips together and clenched his jaw. His hand on the table was now a fist. He looked up from the table, finding Cas. “I can’t,” he sighed and got up, walking out of the room.

“Dean,” Cas said, following him. “You can tell me.”

Dean turned around, slamming Cas into the wall. Cas looked surprised but unhurt. His brows knitted together but he didn’t say anything.

“I. Can’t.” Dean took a step away from Cas, running his shaking hand through his hair. “I’m not allowed. I’m not supposed to. I’m… I don’t know, Cas. Take your pick.”

“You are allowed to feel the way that you do,” Cas said gently. Dean whirled around to face his angel.

“What the fuck did you just say?”

“You-”

Dean slammed his fist into the side of Cas’ face. He was shaking and his eyes were filled with hurt and tears. He didn’t allow them to spill. He just took another step back.

“You are allowed to feel this way,” Cas said again.

“I’m not allowed anything.” Dean was breathing fast but he didn’t know why. He felt shame as he looked at Cas. He closed his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“No. You don’t get to apologize. Tell me how you feel,” Cas demanded. Dean opened his eyes.

“I love you,” Dean said through gritted teeth, his eyes icy and focused on Cas. The words were there. They existed aloud now. They stayed there, thick in the air between them. Dean choked on a sob, his ice exterior melting.

 

* * * * *

 

_“I fell down the stairs,” Dean said as they led him to the x-ray machine in the emergency room. He had walked from the motel five miles away. The lie was smooth and empty. It was all they needed to hear._

_If falling down the stairs was the equivalent of the only man you had in your life to call a father beating you, yelling that he didn’t raise his boys to be fags, then yes, Dean had fallen down the stairs. He had fallen down the stairs with his arm between a fist and the edge of the bathroom counter._

_If falling down the stairs included your father repeatedly asking you and every time you said boy, his hands tightened on your throat while you screamed, then Dean had been falling down the stairs for hours._

 

_* * * * *_

 

“Dean,” Cas looked at his breaking hunter. “I l-”

“I’m not allowed!” Dean yelled. “I’m not allowed to hear you say those words back to me. I’m not supposed to… I can’t.”

“You deserve to hear them back especially when I mean them, Dean,” Cas said seriously. “I’m not allowed to love either. I’m not supposed to love a human. I’m not allowed to be in love. That doesn’t change that I am and have been.”

“Shut up,” Dean choked.

“No.” Cas stayed where he was even though he wanted to reach out. “I love you.”

Dean shoved him into the wall again. “I love you,” Cas insisted. Dean punched him. “Dean.” His hits were getting less powerful as he started to crumple under his angel’s words. “Dean, it’s okay. I love you. I love you.”

“Stop,” Dean begged, his head falling against Cas’ chest. “Please.” Cas was quiet. He wound his arms around Dean.

 

* * * * *

 

_“Where the fuck were you?” John demanded when Dean walked back into the motel room._

_“I went to the emergency room,” Dean said in a flat, scratchy, voice. His face was unreadable and he took off his jacket to show his dad the cast and sling. “You only broke my arm and two of my ribs.”_

_“Do your homework. You have school tomorrow,” John said. Dean looked at the clock. It was past midnight._

_“Yes, sir.”_

_“Who do you like?” John asked quietly, his hand on the doorknob, ready to leave._

_“No one, sir.” Dean answered without turning around. The door opened and closed. Dean crawled into bed and stayed there, staring at the ceiling until it was time to get ready for school._


End file.
